How To Address Your Woman With Weight Issues

Understanding Women & Weight
Recently I sent a long time male friend of mine a message bemoaning the fact that I was gaining weight and felt "uncomfortable in my own skin." Due to hyperthyroidism, I'd become severely under weight and fought to gain the weight back. Not only did I gain the weight back, I exceeded my normal weight by a few pounds, I shared briefly. This friend who'd been more than just a friend at various times over the years thought I was being funny and suggested that I could gain another two-three pounds as far as he was concerned.

This may sound trivial to you, but many women are very sensitive about their weight. I would have thought that by now, if you're at least over thirty years old that most men would know this and have learned how to address it when the subject arose. I have heard many male friends complain about their girlfriend's or wife's weight over the years, in particular, that they've gained too much weight. I am very aware how important a woman's physical appearance is to her mate or perspective mate. It's important that you find her to be attractive. The media certainly exploits this knowledge.

I didn't respond to my friend's response. I simply had no comment. He's always thought that I could stand to gain a few pounds. However, a few days later as I gained another two pounds I became slightly discouraged. I didn't know if it was due to my getting older and my metabolism slowing down, though I was eating healthily, but due to schedule changes, I was actually eating less. Or, was the thyroid medication becoming too much and it needed to be adjusted. All of a sudden I became discouraged because I felt that my friend could have asked how or what I was doing about it or suggested I see my doctor to get checked out instead of pointing out that I could stand to gain a few more pounds, which to him would look good on me.

Okay, brothers, husbands, boyfriends, a word of advice. In most cases I know that it's the reverse concern, that your mate or significant other is too heavy and you would like to see her lose a few pounds. Note that any time a woman mentions her weight to you, walk carefully. It is not the time to talk about your desires or needs. She's hurting and reaching out and needs comfort and encouragement. It's just not about you at that time. Prayerfully, console her, but don't lie. Hopefully, you still think she looks good even if not ideal. Share the fact that she still looks good to you. She needs to hear that first and foremost. Then ask her some questions before giving criticism or advice. Some questions you can ask are: What's bothering you about the weight? What do you want to do about it? How can I help? Show concern and caring. You'll gain an incredible amount of brownie points or place huge deposits into her love bank which in turn will benefit you immediately and pay long term dividends.

Women are very conscious about how they look and want to look good to you. The media is telling us how we should look to be beautiful and many of us know we don't quite fit the model. We certainly don't need to hear about our physical short comings in a negative light from our close friends or mates. (Note, I did not say we didn't need to hear about them, just not in a negative light.) It's like a parent who has to learn how to encourage or edify their child who is making poor choices in life and because you love that child you want to steer them in the right direction. As parenting counsel is typically more important and has greater influence in the life of a child than any other, so your loving, listening ear and gentle counsel in regards to this very sensitive issue in your mate's life, is very important to her self-esteem and growth as well as her achieving a healthy weight.

One more note, none of us are perfect. We all fall short in various ways. But, be consistent, patient and wise. In most cases, wait for her to introduce the subject, unless you feel spiritually led to do otherwise. Regularly reinforce how good she looks to you. This encourages her to do more to look good to you. Repeatedly ask how you can help, because things may change along the way. Don't harp on the issue, however. Compliment, compliment, compliment. Look for specific areas to sincerely compliment her on her progress. You're going to love the results of your investment in her.


I would love to hear whether this tidbit was helpful to you. Please comment.

RELATIONSHIP PREMIUMS

• Health Insurance Premiums
• Life Insurance Premiums
• Auto & Home Insurance Premiums
• Relationship Premiums?

We often speak, pray and fight for balance or to prioritize our lives and often fail, sometimes drastically. Today I was considering the investment we make in marital and familial relationships. What premiums do we pay to insure their success and what premium do we place on their value?

Many of us do not fail to pay our health, life or auto/home insurance premiums, but we fail to pay into our marriages, our children, our sibling relationships and wonder why the relationships do not flourish. Many hate paying insurance premiums, but want the benefits of our policies when it's time for recompense. Then we're glad we made the premiums. None of us are perfect. I am speaking to myself as much as to anyone else. I suppose relationship premiums are much higher than any of the other premiums. It costs us ourselves. It diminishes our selfcenteredness. It's much more expensive than all the other premiums and more valuable. The benefits are far greater in the long term than any other investment or premium, but too often we fail to recognize it. Sometimes it is not until the "policy" is about to lapse or has lapsed that we realize how great the loss of the benefit of it is to us.

This post is just an encouragement to you today to stop for a minute and evaluate the value of your relationship in perspective to the amount of time spent on things and activities. Look at the big picture, the long term impact and yes, the benefits or importance of them. The messages I see and hear all around me, from Christians and non-Christians alike are sometimes discouraging, but I thank God for His grace, His mercy, His love and His Son. When we fall short, recognize it and repent, His grace is sufficient to restore and heal any relationship. On our own, we are simply incapable of being completely selfless. Let's face it, we are self-centered beings. Jesus showed the way by his incredible example and then gave us His Spirit to enable us to be like him. However, it's a process, it's a daily walk, a daily battle with our flesh. I love the illustration the Apostle Paul gives of this process in 1 Cor. 9:19-27 (read it the full context when you get a chance), I'll only quote the last few verses:
    "Do you not know that in a race, all the runners run but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the race goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore, I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

Paul was describing his call to reach the lost and the sacrifice to self do so. His message, however, is to all of us. He likens the secular races, the Olympics and any serious sport or endeavor for which one trains their mind and body to accomplish great things to God's call on our lives. As in the Olympics, the athletes train hard and long at great cost to themselves and often their families. They exercise great discipline to accomplish masterful feats. The same can be said of several other sports that are not included in the Olympics and of other masterful endeavors such as the pursuit of higher education and professional careers. These are all good in proper perspective. I say in proper perspective because Jesus said, "What good is it if a man gains the whole world and loses his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" (Matt. 16:26-27) 

Jesus sums up relationships and God's premium on relationships like this, first "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind...and the second is like it, 'love your neighbor as yourself." (Matt. 22:37-39) God puts a premium on our relationship with Him and a premium on our relationship with each other. God's premium on relationships cost Him His Son! That is how much He values us. He knows us better than we do ourselves. He knows the wickedness and potential for evil within us, yet He still loves us and sent His Son to redeem us from ourselves because we can't regenerate a purer self. Corruption breeds corruption. Sinfulness breeds sinfulness and as He said in Romans 3:23, "the wages of sin is death". So God gave us His Son, His Gift to save us from that death.

The "second" relationship premium, to "love your neighbor as yourself" is impossible without implementing the first policy or command. We are incapable of loving our neighbors, our families, our enemies, our co-workers, our bosses and our government officials as ourselves, until we first surrender ourselves to God in obedience and love Him first with all our hearts, all our souls and all our minds.

If we want a more fulfilled life, fulfillment does not come through acquiring things. Only limited fulfillment is attained through the accomplishment of trophies, degrees and magnanimous awards. Fulfillment and true success comes through fulfilled and fulfilling relationships. So take some time to evaluate the relationships in your life. Take the time to evaluate the long term value of your relationships and invest in them wisely. I encourage you not to invest in them solely because you see the long term benefit to yourself, for that would still primarily be for selfish gain. Invest in them out of love for God, as an expression of love for God. You see, our love, man's love can be fragile and contingent, but God's love is in- exhaustive. When we continually surrender ourselves to Him, He fills us with His love and renews us when we fall or feel weak. He lifts us up and gives us the courage to keep on loving, to keep on hoping, to keep on forgiving, to keep on trusting, to keep on giving. For God's love - the love He is developing in us, "always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (1 Cor. 13:4-8)

Invest, pay the sacrificial premium for the relationships in your life and put a premium, a high value on them, after all, God did.

If you like this post, please also visit my other blog: http://www.wealthofcharacter.blogspot.com/