How To Address Your Woman With Weight Issues

Understanding Women & Weight
Recently I sent a long time male friend of mine a message bemoaning the fact that I was gaining weight and felt "uncomfortable in my own skin." Due to hyperthyroidism, I'd become severely under weight and fought to gain the weight back. Not only did I gain the weight back, I exceeded my normal weight by a few pounds, I shared briefly. This friend who'd been more than just a friend at various times over the years thought I was being funny and suggested that I could gain another two-three pounds as far as he was concerned.

This may sound trivial to you, but many women are very sensitive about their weight. I would have thought that by now, if you're at least over thirty years old that most men would know this and have learned how to address it when the subject arose. I have heard many male friends complain about their girlfriend's or wife's weight over the years, in particular, that they've gained too much weight. I am very aware how important a woman's physical appearance is to her mate or perspective mate. It's important that you find her to be attractive. The media certainly exploits this knowledge.

I didn't respond to my friend's response. I simply had no comment. He's always thought that I could stand to gain a few pounds. However, a few days later as I gained another two pounds I became slightly discouraged. I didn't know if it was due to my getting older and my metabolism slowing down, though I was eating healthily, but due to schedule changes, I was actually eating less. Or, was the thyroid medication becoming too much and it needed to be adjusted. All of a sudden I became discouraged because I felt that my friend could have asked how or what I was doing about it or suggested I see my doctor to get checked out instead of pointing out that I could stand to gain a few more pounds, which to him would look good on me.

Okay, brothers, husbands, boyfriends, a word of advice. In most cases I know that it's the reverse concern, that your mate or significant other is too heavy and you would like to see her lose a few pounds. Note that any time a woman mentions her weight to you, walk carefully. It is not the time to talk about your desires or needs. She's hurting and reaching out and needs comfort and encouragement. It's just not about you at that time. Prayerfully, console her, but don't lie. Hopefully, you still think she looks good even if not ideal. Share the fact that she still looks good to you. She needs to hear that first and foremost. Then ask her some questions before giving criticism or advice. Some questions you can ask are: What's bothering you about the weight? What do you want to do about it? How can I help? Show concern and caring. You'll gain an incredible amount of brownie points or place huge deposits into her love bank which in turn will benefit you immediately and pay long term dividends.

Women are very conscious about how they look and want to look good to you. The media is telling us how we should look to be beautiful and many of us know we don't quite fit the model. We certainly don't need to hear about our physical short comings in a negative light from our close friends or mates. (Note, I did not say we didn't need to hear about them, just not in a negative light.) It's like a parent who has to learn how to encourage or edify their child who is making poor choices in life and because you love that child you want to steer them in the right direction. As parenting counsel is typically more important and has greater influence in the life of a child than any other, so your loving, listening ear and gentle counsel in regards to this very sensitive issue in your mate's life, is very important to her self-esteem and growth as well as her achieving a healthy weight.

One more note, none of us are perfect. We all fall short in various ways. But, be consistent, patient and wise. In most cases, wait for her to introduce the subject, unless you feel spiritually led to do otherwise. Regularly reinforce how good she looks to you. This encourages her to do more to look good to you. Repeatedly ask how you can help, because things may change along the way. Don't harp on the issue, however. Compliment, compliment, compliment. Look for specific areas to sincerely compliment her on her progress. You're going to love the results of your investment in her.


I would love to hear whether this tidbit was helpful to you. Please comment.